Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
