I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
