Don't make out with my wife yet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
