Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize