I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
