i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
