If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
