No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
