My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
