I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
