Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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