I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
