Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
