He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
