I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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