He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
