No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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