I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
