eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
