Small penises have feelings too.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize