just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
