babies were throwing up all over the place
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize