Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she smelled like a LAN party
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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