He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
