She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
