Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
