i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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