My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i will never coherently bang her
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
