Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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