A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
