I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My bed smells like the plague
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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