As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
