OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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