a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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