I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
