is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
