Dual....:-)
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
