I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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