I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
