Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
