I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
