Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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