she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
