dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
