how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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