My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize