no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
