In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
