Porn is love you can see.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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