I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
