I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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