I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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