Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
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