so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
