i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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