i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
