the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I love having hate sex.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
