I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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