Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
