i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
