Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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