Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
