I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
