I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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