I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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