Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
