You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
