That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
