I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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