looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
