I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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