i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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