oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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