Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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