i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
