Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so explain again why im purple
no
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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