i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
