Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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