can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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