it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
