the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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