wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
