thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
