nut hugger
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
