i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
