No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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