You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
