You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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