is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
