My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
